I am absolutely done with it. I am done.
I am done with bitterness, I am done with anguish, I am done with regret… F**k! I am even done with repeating myself.
Things have been so rough on me lately that without going into specifics, my father had to come all the way up to the city to pick me up and bring me home; go figure. It was not an act of a spoiled girl and some spoiler progenitors. It was more a cry for help, I needed something to grab to even wanting to keep on this planet if you know what I mean.
I had to go to the doctor and they prescribed me some drugs that made me really numb, almost an automaton. And when I called on him to explain that he suggested to add some extra pills here and there.
Right then and there I decided I’ve had it. I have had enough of this lousy life that I’ve been living over -almost- the past decade. I said enough. And I slowly decreased the medication instead of increasing it. And something quite unexpected happened:
Elena got back! This active person that I had been in the past, no the most courageous person I dare to say but more courageous that I had been lately. The Elena that put her priorities first and doesn’t let -or does her best- at stopping anyone who will try to step on her feet. The Elena that has a personality of her own and feels no need whatsoever of having to be constantly pleasing the rest of the world. The Elena that when listens that “… I have found people more like myself, unlike you.” doesn’t blink twice as she answers “Well, when did I ever say I wanted to be like you?”
Of course I am not a hero as well as I am not a person who completely does what I please whenever I please; don’t get me wrong. But now I am back. And the old me -the real me- puts her priorities first as long as don’t interfere in anyone else’s life. So yup, I am not a weapon of massive destruction. But as a wise man once sang: I’m in repair, I’m not together but I’m getting there… My shadow days are over now.
It’s just that now it’s my turn and I have every right to get my say on it.
And I really mean it when I say it. I AM DONE.